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The gunas are energies or attributes. The drugs he is being given cause untold harm in their production process and disposal. Wednesday, July 19 7: He hunted, trapped and gathered his own food, he paddled in remote regions for weeks at a time. Truth just looked like ignorance and suffering.

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And this is connection and vulnerability and intimacy and tears and outpouring of unknowing. Do you see what I mean? What I was wishing for, in wishing that he was still alive, was that he would have deadened down a bit, closed his heart, lied about who he was and what he needed. Then, through the course of life and the misery of pitting the real me against myself for years — the exhaustion, the physical illness all of the fighting produced — I started to realize that I was doing this. Nothing is so easy that it is mind-blowing. I wanted him to play it safe.

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